Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Lost Seinfeld Episode: "The Iron Chef"

My friend Brian Tunney, who is also kind of my "boss" at my other "job" which is unpaid and doesn't involve substitute teaching, has a blog. On it right now is a bunch of fictional Seinfeld plotlines that he wrote. I was so inspired reading them that I had to steal his idea and write my own at shool today. Here it is:

Jerry is dating a woman named Cynthia Pazole who is an executive at cable television's Food TV. She is over at Jerry's apartment when Kramer barges in looking to borrow some Italian parsley. He is making a "a simple, classic veal spedini." Cynthia is impressed with Kramer’s ambitious cooking an offers him a position as sue chef to Mario Batali on one episode of Iron Chef America. Kramer jumps at the opportunity explaining that he "has a long history in the restaurant industry." Jerry with knowing skepticism replies "Is that right?" To which Kramer replies "I've been a technician at H&H bagels off and on for the last 20 years and I once almost opened a pizzeria."

George is dismayed that his nice leather work shoes have finally fallen apart and are now unwearable after being worn to work every single day since graduating from college. When shopping for a replacement pair with Elaine, who has a crush on the shoe salesman, George is disgusted to find that all the work shoes on the market "are made with as much craftsmanship as a wet paper bag." George starts to storm out of the store when he notices a pair of orange rubber sandals in a corner. The shoe salesman explains that they are called Crocs and are probably the most comfortable and durable footwear ever created, but no one in there right mind would wear them in a work environment. George purchases them right then and there much to Elaine's embarrassment.

George wears his new orange Crocs everywhere, including the coffee shop where Jerry, Kramer and Elaine are having lunch. Upon noticing George's footwear Jerry pushes his tuna fish sandwich away in disgust and announces "I think I just lost my appetite." Kramer is quick to defend George's Crocs on the grounds that they look "as comfortable as my wooly slippers." George explains to the group that he has never been happier with a pair of shoes and that his friends had better get used to them because he is going to be wearing them all the time now, even to work.

Inspired by George's example of "exercising his right to comfortable footwear," Kramer starts wearing his wooly slippers all around town. He even wears them to the taping of Iron Chef America where he meets Iron Chef Mario Batali just seconds before the battle begins. Kramer notices that the Iron Chef is wearing orange Crocs. Assuming that the Iron Chef is also an afficionado of comfortable foot wear Kramer shows the Iron Chef that he is wearing his wooly slippers on greasy floors of kitchen stadium. The Iron Chef is visibly taken aback, as the timer begins he sets down his knife muttering dejectedly, "I think I just lost my appetite."

Check out Brian's blog at


Blogger Jeff P said...

I did one of those one time. I just re-read it though and it's not so good. It had it's moments though. Kramer paints, George pierces his scrotum with a mechanical pencil, Elaine goes to the Met with Putty, and Jerry dates a woman who encourages him to watch tv while she cooks for him.

8:05 AM  

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