It Happened After Lunch
Its 12:45 and I'm on my way back to my classroom after spending a relaxing hour and twenty minute lunch break eating free pizza at the Imo's where I used to deliver pizzas. On the way to my room I stoped in the bathroom to wash the pizza sauce from under my fingernails. As I was drying my hands a sixth grader walked into the bathroom. I threw away my paper towels and started to walk out. Halfway out the door I decided to go back in and blow my nose. As I reached for another paper towel I noticed that I've startled the sixth grader. He seemed to be checking which stall to use but then relized that I hadn't left and stood awkwardly near the sinks. Thinking nothing of it, I blew my nose, threw away the towel and went to my classroom.
About five minutes passed before the bell rang for 7th period. The halls filled with students and I went to my door to keep an eye on the hallways like subs are supposed to do. My classroom for today is the second to last at the end of a hallway. Imediately past my door is a set of five steps up to Ms. Lincoln's Language Arts room and across from that is Ms. Smiths vocal music room. With the halls full of students I started to notice that students keep walking past my room with their shirts over their noses, walking halfway up the steps and then turning around and running back to their friends talking about how gross it smells. I didn't smell anything. But one after another kids keeping asking who did it. The hallway is echoing with 'smelt it dealt its' and 'copped a squats.' Then One student asks me if know who did it. I told the kid that I didn't even smell anything. I'm thinking to myself when did 'cop a squat' start meaning the same thing as 'cut the cheese.'
Class begins and I'm trying to get the students in their seats. Now I'm hearing things like 'it was a sixth grader' and 'she stepped in it.' It a pretty small class and I'm subbing at the best middle school in the district. The kids here know me and love me so I decide to go ahead and ask.
"What are you guys talking about?"
I'm blinded by 20 eighth graders eyes lighting up simultaneously. The room erupts with energy. They tell me that during 8th grade lunch a sixth grader took a shit in front of Ms. Lincoln's door and when she left her room she stepped in it. My mind races. I picture a little pile of turds in front of the classroom door to my right. Then I picture hard ass Ms. Lincoln getting up from her desk making her way out the door and stepping in a steaming pile of 6th grader turds.
The fact is I believe it. Despite everything in my mind that says its not possible, not at this school. I still believe it, the kids seem so sure. Then theres the suspicious 6th grader in the bathroom. Was he deciding which stall he was going to use, or was he fishing for ammo.
About five minutes passed before the bell rang for 7th period. The halls filled with students and I went to my door to keep an eye on the hallways like subs are supposed to do. My classroom for today is the second to last at the end of a hallway. Imediately past my door is a set of five steps up to Ms. Lincoln's Language Arts room and across from that is Ms. Smiths vocal music room. With the halls full of students I started to notice that students keep walking past my room with their shirts over their noses, walking halfway up the steps and then turning around and running back to their friends talking about how gross it smells. I didn't smell anything. But one after another kids keeping asking who did it. The hallway is echoing with 'smelt it dealt its' and 'copped a squats.' Then One student asks me if know who did it. I told the kid that I didn't even smell anything. I'm thinking to myself when did 'cop a squat' start meaning the same thing as 'cut the cheese.'
Class begins and I'm trying to get the students in their seats. Now I'm hearing things like 'it was a sixth grader' and 'she stepped in it.' It a pretty small class and I'm subbing at the best middle school in the district. The kids here know me and love me so I decide to go ahead and ask.
"What are you guys talking about?"
I'm blinded by 20 eighth graders eyes lighting up simultaneously. The room erupts with energy. They tell me that during 8th grade lunch a sixth grader took a shit in front of Ms. Lincoln's door and when she left her room she stepped in it. My mind races. I picture a little pile of turds in front of the classroom door to my right. Then I picture hard ass Ms. Lincoln getting up from her desk making her way out the door and stepping in a steaming pile of 6th grader turds.
The fact is I believe it. Despite everything in my mind that says its not possible, not at this school. I still believe it, the kids seem so sure. Then theres the suspicious 6th grader in the bathroom. Was he deciding which stall he was going to use, or was he fishing for ammo.
posted by mr. awesome at 1:09 PM
1 Comments:
Sometimes I get sad that you never comment on my blog, like are we still friends or are you just intimidated by how high brow I am?
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