Thursday, October 05, 2006

I Can't do this Alone.

Even days like today, when I am in a well-equipped Biology lab, full of boisterous students, and models of human skeletons, hearts, brains, ears and even model of the human fetal circular system, complete with placenta, I am tempted to write about the Italian sandwich I was able to procure from a near by sub shop, consume, and return to class in 34 minutes.

Yesterday it was Pancake Rolls as a symbol of man's triumph over nature, the day before, dirty old men at White Castle and today an Italian Sub. At this rate it won't be long until I have to change the name of this page to "Lunching with Mr. Awesome."

I blame the students for my inadequacy at creating non-lunch related content for this site. Maybe if St. Louis' Middle and High School students could come up with something other than "I thought you were a student" or "He look like just like ______________" (Insert: Ashton Kutcher, Josh Hartnet, Chad Michael Murray or any other with white male actor between the age of 20 and 35), then I might actually be able to write something worth reading.

To be fair, I did have a student come up to me yesterday, look me in the eye and ask "Are we being Punk'd?". But gems like that are few and far between. And its funny whenever a student pegs me for a skateboarder and then has a conversation in an exaggerated surfer accent with "duude" for every other word. Sadly, that is something you have to experience in person to truly enjoy.

What I want is for kids to be compelled to tell me dirty jokes and to candidly trash talk their regular teachers so that I can then turn around and post a complete transcript on the internet.

The dark secret of substitute teaching is that you can't provoke the entertaining behavior you want from your students without ending the day with a massive headache and a bouquet of disapproving looks from various administrators, teachers and school security guards. The best you can do is put yourself out there with open eyes and ears and wait for a sign of life from the youth of America.


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